When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
