I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
