in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
