you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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