I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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