One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
