to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
