I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
