Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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