Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drunk is not a location!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
