last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
