I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
