I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
