you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
