There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk is a universal language darling
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize