Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
