I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize