Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
