Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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