STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
