Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
