I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
