Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
