He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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