I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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