so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
