the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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