I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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