There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
