I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
