a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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