I smell stomach acid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
