After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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