true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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