is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
