would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
