I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
