are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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