I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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