remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
