she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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