it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
