Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize