So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
