Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
