I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
