He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
