I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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