i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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