You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
