mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
