Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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