im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
