I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
