Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
