how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
