I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize