shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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