We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
