operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
