Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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