you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize