Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
