He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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