brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
