You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
