Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize