porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
