Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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