there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
