I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Randomize
