dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
