I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
