we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
