At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
