Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
