okay pat passed out under dana's car
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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