just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
