There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
