My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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