I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
