how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
