you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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