It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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