shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
