ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
