I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
