i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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