You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
