i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
